The alarm clock blares at 5:00 AM. The promise you made to yourself at 1:00 AM—“Tomorrow, I’ll wake up at 5 AM and change my life!”—is still ringing in your head. But you’ve got this. It’s the new you, the one who has decided that 2025 is the year your glow-up begins. You’ve seen enough Instagram posts, read enough quotes about “becoming the best version of yourself,” and watched enough reels of that one girl who has abs after having two kids and a full-time job. You’re ready. Or at least, you tell yourself that.
You drag yourself out of bed, feeling like a wet sponge. There’s a brief, fleeting moment where you think, Maybe tomorrow? But no, no, no. Today is the day. So you stumble to the bathroom, grab your jade roller (which you absolutely do not understand how to use, but you’ve seen influencers do it, so you’re doing it too), and begin your 15-step skincare routine. You’ve watched enough beauty gurus on Instagram to know that if you don’t apply a serum that costs more than your weekly grocery budget, your face will crumble and you’ll never glow again.
Now, you’re in the kitchen. Your skin is shining like a well-lit Bollywood heroine, and you feel… almost like you’re on a beach in Goa, the perfect Insta moment. Time to prep your meals for the day. You feel like a meal-prep guru, just like the influencers. You grab your tupperware and start measuring out chicken breasts with an accuracy that only someone who’s watched 47 YouTube tutorials on meal prep can achieve. The feeling of being “in control of your life” is so real right now.
As you open the fridge, you glance over at the protein powder you bought last week from Amazon, which cost enough to feed a family for a month. You wonder, Was this a mistake? But, no—focus. You’ve got this.
Then you check Instagram, as you do. But hold up—what’s this? A post from that girl, you know, the one whose abs you’ve been staring at like a hungry stray dog? Her caption says, “Eat your greens if you want to glow like a goddess!”
Okay, greens it is. You grab some kale (which you had to hunt for in the local sabzi mandi, and of course, it cost you ₹300 for a handful) and toss it into your tupperware like you’re on an episode of MasterChef. You feel like a winner. No, scratch that—you feel like a queen.
But then, oh no. You swipe to the next post. This one’s all about protein. You read the caption: “Protein is the secret to lean muscle and burning fat efficiently!” The image is of some ripped guy with a six-pack who looks like he’s never eaten anything remotely related to butter chicken in his life. You seriously consider eating chicken breasts for breakfast. Who needs a paratha when you can have grilled chicken with everything?
But wait—before you can even start grilling that chicken breast, another post pops up. This one has the boldest claim: “Eating protein for fat loss is a myth! Don’t fall for it!”
Myth? What do you mean, “myth”? But… that’s the truth, right? My head is spinning. You remember that Instagram reel of Chloe Ting’s 2-week ab challenge that promises you’ll get abs by tomorrow if you just do the exercises for 30 minutes a day. You could do that! Right after your 4,000-step walk around the kitchen to pace out how many grams of carbs you’re allowed to eat with your kale.
You feel like you’ve just entered the Twilight Zone of fitness advice. First it’s eat greens, then it’s protein, then carbs are fine, but wait—carbs are your enemy. Maybe you should try keto? No, no, go vegan! Or maybe you need to do intermittent fasting at 6 AM—but should I have a black coffee or a masala chai to get the energy to do it?
Sht.* The confusion is real.
Your head spins like a revolving door in a five-star hotel. You’ve got the quinoa, the kale, the protein powder, and now you’re eyeing the aloo tikki in your fridge that you bought last week when you were weak. You’re that person who, at one point, had no idea what quinoa even was, and now you’re the one with a collection of random superfoods you can’t pronounce. You’re pretty sure there’s a detox powder in the pantry, but does it even work? How many TikTok influencers have sworn by it?
You stare at the quinoa for a while. Then the masala chips. Then back at the kale. And for a moment, you actually wonder if you could live off of only chia seeds and almond milk…but what’s the point? Are they actually helping you get fitter or just helping the influencer industry make a ton of money off your confusion?
Suddenly, you feel it—the familiar feeling that you’ve been avoiding since the second you woke up: the urge to nap. The one that says, “Screw it, maybe sleep is the real key to fat loss.” After all, who said you can’t just snooze your way to health? If you take a nap now, you’ll wake up refreshed, feeling like a new person—totally ready for a run or yoga or whatever it is people do in the morning.
So, you crawl back into bed, clutching your blanket like it’s your only remaining shred of dignity.
But just as you’re about to pass out, your phone buzzes. “Drinking lemon water first thing in the morning will change your life!” You blink at the message. You could squeeze a lemon. You could buy a cute, overpriced glass bottle on Amazon that promises “toxins” will be eliminated from your system.
You put the phone down, eyes heavy, and your mind just… shuts off.
Before you know it, it’s 7 AM. The sun is up, but you’re under the covers, still half in a dream about running a marathon in a perfect athleisure set, sipping your chia pudding on the side.
Tomorrow, you tell yourself. Tomorrow, you’ll wake up at 5 AM, stretch, drink lemon water, and do a 7-minute Chloe Ting workout. But today? Today, you rest.
Your girl
XOXO ❤
Monologue Diaries 